This is so going in my blog, BLOG

What up with that....

2011-09-20T20:15:00.001-07:00

I think I am going to start blogging again. I guess I really should not say again since I did not blog much but I gonna start blogging more. I added the blogger app to my phone so that is awesome.

Little Radish

P.S. To start off here is a new picture of my girl.

Asshat moms

2010-03-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

ARRGGHH!

I am so sick of militant mothers who try and bully mothers or soon to be mothers into breastfeeding. They basically tell them they are harming their baby if they give them formula.

Breastfeeding your baby does not make you a better mother than I am. I am a wonderful mother to my daughter. She is fed formula and is perfectly healthy and happy...and LOVED.

And you are an asshat.

Sloane is now 3 months old

2010-03-08T12:24:00.001-08:00

I know I am mostly talking to myself here and strangely enough I do not give a fig. It is nice to just come here and write stuff. Yes I have a twitter ,facebook and livejournal but here I just feel like I can be more open and honest. I guess because no one reads it if people find me here I might stop blogging.

We had Sloane's 3 month pictures taken on Sunday. She did not do great but did okay. My usually smiling girl was a bit crabby but we still got beautiful pics.

AFP test

2010-03-03T13:32:00.000-08:00

This is something I have only shared with my family and a couple friends. I just wanted to talk about it here.

When I was about 15 weeks pregnant I took a blood test called AFP it looks for all kind of genetic disorders. While it did not go well I got a call from my OB telling me I need to go talk to a genetic counselor about the results. This is just not something I wanted to hear but of course we went.

When we got there we were told that our baby had a 1 in 14 chance of being born with Down Syndrome. I can tell you that the fucking floor just about fell out from below me. My mom had a brother who was down syndrome but he did not even make it home he died at about 3 weeks old at the hospital. This was just so devasting to me. So I just sat there and listened as best as I could. We were to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound they would measure different things and they also wanted me to have an amnio..UH NO THANKS. You will not be sticking a big fucking needle into my stomach, not today or any other day for that matter.
So we went to the hospital and had the ultrasound we were told everything looked okay BUT that really did not mean anything I should really have the amnio..really they wanted me to have this amnio. It hit me there. I was 16 weeks at this point getting close to the "deadline".

What is the "deadline" you ask I was getting close to when they really do not want to do abortions anymore. So when my OB called me that night to ask me why I did not get the amnio I told her I WAS IN NO WAY TERMINATING THIS PREGNANCY!! Even if we did the amnio and they told me the baby had down syndrome I could not have terminated. This baby is a part of Jamie and I......it is us. I could never do that.

Not only did we get this news that day but we also got some other news, we found out we were having a baby girl. As much as I wanted to be happy and I was, it was still such a hard day.
I did alot of research about down syndrome and did my best to learn alot.

Of course I wanted a healthy baby but I loved her already so I knew we could handle anything. Throughout the rest of the weeks of the pregnancy. I tried not to focus on it to much just letting it fall to the way side and just take care of myself. I am not sure if that was the right thing to do but it was the right thing to do for me.

I had ultrasound after ultrasound for gestationational diabetes(a whole other issue) and with everyone they said she seemed to be okay, no Downs markers...but I still worried.

So the day came to be induced and I did not even tell Jamie this until a few days after we got home with Sloane..but when they first put her in my arms I looked down to check. She was perfect.

She does not have down syndrome and I do not think it makes me a bad person that I was relieved that she doesn't. I would love her NO MATTER what but I know that with a child with down syndrome there are alot of things to deal with not only with the childs health.

I am not sure why I am typing this. I just needed to get it off my chest.
People keep asking if I want to have anymore kids and to be honest this is one reason why I do not. I am scared of that 1 in 14.

New mommy!

2010-03-02T14:31:00.000-08:00

I am a mommy. HOLY CATS!!

I had my baby girl on Dec 6, 2009 and she is an angel. Her name is Sloane and she is just beautiful and perfect.

She will be 3 months this coming up Saturday and I still can not believe it. I sometimes just stare at her and I am just amazed that this little person was inside of me for 41 weeks.(she was late)

Here we are upon our first meeting. Isn't she amazing.

I learn so much from her everyday. She is teaching me so much about myself and about being a mother.

I love her with all my heart with all that I am.

Babies

2009-02-02T14:18:00.001-08:00

Wow I know 2 blogs in one day. CRAZY.
I am finding everywhere I look people I know are having babies.
My husband and I are talking about trying to start a family. While I am excited about this I think to myself is it really the right time. After thinking that for some time, I think when is it ever the right time to do anything.

It is hopeless the back in forth in my brain. I think it is time because I am almost 33 and the older you get the harder it is.
*sigh*

Mondays.......

2009-02-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

It is the first Monday of February and I have a horrible case of the Mondays.
I have been at work about 2 hours and I am so ready to go home.
Why is it when one person has a complaint about 50 more come at you.
I have so much to do so I can get stuff to the CPA for taxes PLUS I have my regular work.
HELLO there is only 24 hours in a day. I am only supposed to work 8 1/2 of them.

I am afraid I am going to have alot of late Fridays and maybe even some Sat work in my future.

ICK!

Marriage............

2009-01-13T13:57:00.001-08:00

I got married a bit over 3 weeks ago. It was a wonderful day, everything turned out so beautiful. We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon and it was peaceful,relaxing and romantic. Everything I ever dreamed it to be.
Now here I am back at work and the post wedding blues have set in. A friend asked me if I had gotten depressed yet. I guess after she got married for about 3 months she was just blue. You spend a year or more planning this wonderful event and than nothing. I was at first like nope, nothing like that. I know being depressed and it had not happened. I was so glad.
Now at my second week back at work, I am feeling I guess what she was feeling.
I planned this wedding and now it is over. What do you do now?
I love being married. I felt married before we got married because we were living together for almost 2 years before hand. I feel like something is missing though. I guess I miss making all the calls and planning on the fun events.

I am sure I will get over it soon. It is just so weird. I miss it, who misses all the stress and wanting to pull there hair out. Recent brides I guess.

1st Blog

2008-09-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

hmm I am not sure why I am starting this blog. I have a livejournal, a myspace, and a facebook. I could really blog on any of those things. Yet here I am starting something else. We shall see how long this lasts.
I am planning a wedding you see. My wedding, well it is not only mine it is mine and my fiance's. It is an interesting time. Half the time I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off, the other half I just don't care.

I just wanted to start this off with a quick message.

Hi. I am the Radish.